and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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