just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
