I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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