Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
