I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
