I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize