so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
