He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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