Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
