i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm both gender and math confused
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
