I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
