so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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