I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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