he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
