I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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