How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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