fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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