I'm so fucking centered right now
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
