I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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