I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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