Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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