Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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