I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
