I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
