Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think my nap took me to another dimension
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
