I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
