She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
