she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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