Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
