Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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