It's like God shit irony all over that family
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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