I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
