just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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