if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
