just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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