The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
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Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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