I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
