Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
