This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
