On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drunk is not a location!
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