areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I see more hoeing in ur future
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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