Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
