Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
