Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
