Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I fill condoms, not promises.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
