ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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