The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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