I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
