Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
