i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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