I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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