I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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