My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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