I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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