Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
