So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
