A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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