Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
