You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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