i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
